Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
