I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
