Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize
