Where did you get a picture of my penis
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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