He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
How drunk are you?
Completed.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
