Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
