Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Randomize