I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
