You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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