He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Randomize
