UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
