Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
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