i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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