So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
