I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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