it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
