I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Randomize
