you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
