Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Randomize
