Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Randomize
