You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
