turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Randomize
