No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
