My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
