I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Randomize
