remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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