Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
the liver wants what the liver wants
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
