I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize