so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
