Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
