We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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