I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Randomize