He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
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