12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Randomize
