Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
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