So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
