sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize