Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
found the other keg... it's in the tree
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Randomize
