you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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