lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
