9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
