I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
