Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
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