Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
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