Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Randomize
