birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Randomize
