So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
