I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
