i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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