Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Randomize
