Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
Duck Duck Cougar?
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Randomize
