I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Randomize
