i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
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