That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Randomize
