So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
