It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
Randomize
