Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
