Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
I'm getting married
To pizza
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Randomize
