at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Randomize