Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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