I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize