today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
What a dumb baby whore.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
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