Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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