ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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