I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Randomize
