Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize