dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
