im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Randomize
