i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
