I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
