your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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