so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
