no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
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