i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
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