Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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