you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Randomize
