Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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