Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
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