you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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