Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Randomize
