Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
you will always have a special place in my vag
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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