never play flip cup with pint glasses
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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