OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
