I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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