I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
