Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Randomize
