So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
