Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Randomize
