yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
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